Underwear

3.00 o´clock at Friday night. I have just finished my 5th Apple Martini (but I was cheap and had some Martini Asti at home as an excuse - I drank champagne tonight ) and almost everyone in club looks already handsome... My drunk eyes stops on guy.. From 1 to 10 (remember I have had 5 apple martinis + this bubbly what people in public transport call champagne) he is a good 7... Ahh, I am too shy...

"Barman, I need 2 shots"... Damn, already have to use my credit card, cos I have to keep my last 5 euros for taxi... So now its already 3.45, I have done some desperate moves from guys level 10 and got rejected like miss Lohan from Hollywood... Ahh, I walk home - another shot... So, 6 min later, my 7 is a good 8 and he smiles to me....Gay panic.... Quickly to toilet, shit - I just look like Gaga without make-up... This 7slash8 guy says:"hi"... In my mind already I see us in couple counseling and choosing a baby name in Thai restaurant...

After some Madonna, Rihanna, Eurovision songs and 4.75 eur ride with taxi and crap food. We land at my place.. I use the night light.. I try to keep him in my home as much as possible, cos anyway he will sneak out next morning when I have become a MISTAKE to him.

****Everyone under 18, please stop here****

After several seconds...So only what to take off is these cheap jeans... Belt is off, a little bit kissing and giggling, zipper, more kissing... Jeans are off. OMG - the ugliest underwear ever.. Even the shots wont help...A fast excuse - I dont have a condom and mom comes in the morning... My 7slash8-5 apple martinis-3 shots guy goes...

(reading for everyone again)
Next morning
After Fanta and pizza (not sponosored statments) I feel better, but not my credit card.. I go to my closet (where I came out 8 years ago during the Kelis Milkshake song) I started to look what kind of underwear I have and also can admit in public.... Not much, I have still some pair since my mom bought me clothes.... So like 15 years ago... Am I still same size (size doesnt matter)? OMG... Does it means no dating anymore or just sex in the dark or in sauna (ahhh, too much adult talking... 18+ only again).. Where I can wear and what...?

Inspection starts (its my personal opinion - you can´t sue me for that)
Any of the items on photos aren´t really mine !!! REALLY NOT !!!
1.Admit level - I need a 7 tequila shot and black out for admiting this - I have 4 pairs of classical tightie-whities ( in my case weird color)

result - * During the work days in case I dont go gym and noone ever sees me, I can pull this off - it hurts so much to say it out... Please no need to judge !!! Begging


2.Admit level - people may laugh over this, but still 1 tequila helps - I have 3 pairs of classical boxers.

result - * During the work and then at home, when I am alone and single (so it means rest of my life)


3.Admit level - Yes, I did it.. It was purely work.. Damn, glass of Chablis, please, 1 pair of thongs

result - * I am victim of my vanity and I used to be a wanna-be dancer in my shows. Needed to create a fantasy for men.. about nudity under my costumes


4.Admit level - I can even show the check, that I bought them myself. 2 pairs of long johns

result - *its cold during the winter. I have to protect my precious... And once in a year I go to ski and it keeps me warm

***
Hangover kicks in... But I am not done.. A shower and another slice of pizza.. And now I am even able to drink cider...
***

And finally after lots of shocking moments in my closet, I decided to get rid off some shameful moments from my past.. Some of the underwears have to go. In the same trash bag is also this guy´s number what he wrote. But I knew there is something waiting for me...

The final
Admit Level - I am proud to have it. And even to show it (in Amsterdam underwear party) - I have a lot of it

result - *My Aussie Bum :)- I love the quality and how sexy these are... It almost makes me feel attractive. I can wear them everywhere and not feel bad. Love it !!!!

result - *and my Bonewear swimwear from MGW.. I have exactly same pants like on the pic.. So low cut... Lots of space for fantasies and a lots of work for man-scaping. Very gay !!! (Its not me on the pic...)


So, no more hangover...There is still hope for more dates (in my case never more than 1 with same guy)... Again shower, man-scaped, gel in the hair, my fake Armani t-shirt from Asia and HM jeans - another disco night is waiting for me... And to avoid akward moments I use my Aussie tonight as my mental supporting friend I can lean on...

And its true - its important how you look inside (translate - good and sexy underwear), and not outside !!!